stillwaters82 (stillwaters82) wrote in nursing_illness,

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This depressive episode is just not going away. It's been too long. I can't focus, can't study, can't care. I don't remember half of my drive to school, I alternate between total depressive lethargy and complete indifference. I don't sleep well, I've started cutting again and my work is soon going to suffer from the buildup. I don't know how the hell I got a 90% on my clinical exam and a 98% on my pathophysiology last week when I was unable to study and barely able to make it to class. I took an exam today that I didn't even know what I was being tested on. I left the test and went to the counseling center where I think the woman really wanted to take me to the hospital, but respected my feelings on the matter. I almost agreed as well - I almost drove myself to the emergency room last night. I just can't seem to climb out. To make matters worse, I left a nasty note to the family the other night about no one helping to clean the house and I still haven't apologized. Horray for me.

I really need this to end. I don't want to screw up now.

The above cross-posted to my journal.

Intro: Hi everyone - glad to have found this community and hope everyone is doing all right. I'm a first semester BSN student with a previous B.A. in psychology (ironic, huh?). I have a 7 year or so history of major depressive disorder and self-injury tendencies. I don't know what brought this episode on, but I figure the combination of nursing stress and the holiday season was enough. Trying to climb out again.....

Nice to meet you all,

~Still Waters
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